Through the Floor
by Moon Raven2
Summary: Taking place just before Mamoru leaves Tokyo for America, this songfic explores his feelings for Usagi.


Through the Floor

* * *

Notes:  
Sailor Moon isn't mine, and I'm making no money with this story. Don't sue me. 

Wow! I can't believe it. This makes the _third_ time I've broke my Personal Rules for Fanfic Writing. If you've read my Sailor Moon story "Enough of Me," then you should be familiar with said rules, but here's a refresher: I don't write about the main couple (ie, SerenaxDarien) and I don't write straight song fics. "Enough of Me" breaks both rules, as does my Gundam Wing story, "Tell Her This," about Relena and Heero. This story, too, breaks those rules, being from Darien's point of view about Serena and featuring the song "Through the Floor" by Edwin McCain. 

Speaking of Edwin McCain... the _gorgeous_ song I've used for this story is from his second album, Misguided Roses, and is the bonus track at the end of "Holy City." GO get this CD!!! It's sooooo good. If you don't like Edwin McCain because you don't like "I'll Be," then you don't _know_ Edwin McCain. With the exception of "Solitude," his singles are my least favorite of his songs. Trust me! 

Back to the story. It takes place right before Stars. Darien is about to leave for America, and this is all about what he's thinking. I've never seen the ep before, so bear with me. Also, I use the Japanese names. Why? I don't know. I meant to type "Serena" and typed "Usako" instead. I figured that was a sign and left it. 

Anyway... enjoy the story and tell me what you think!

* * *

I wake with a start, the sunlight coming through my bedroom window hot on my face and chest. I'm soaked with sweat, and the sheets are sticking to me uncomfortably. I shake my head quickly and push my wet black bangs off my forehead, all the while thinking, _Please, Kami-sama, no more nightmares! Haven't I had enough nightmares to last _ten_ lifetimes?_

But then the thought fades, the room fades, and an image of my Usako appears before me. Her eyes are so blue, as blue as the sea, as sapphires, as the sky at noon, and when she looks at me with her beautiful, azure gaze I know that I will never love anyone as I love her. She looks at me and I can feel, glowing from her, the love she has for me. I don't believe it will ever fail to amaze me that Usako loves _me_, Chiba Mamoru. 

_"Bathed in sunlight,_  
_Woke from dreams of murderous intention,_  
_Pursued by men and dogs and things I'm just too scared to mention._  
_And the first thing that I think of are her sympathetic eyes_  
_That see with only positive emotion."_

She has no idea how beautiful she is, how sweet and loving and strong. Sure she has her crying jags, but those aren't really Usako, the true Usako. I wish she could see herself the way I see her, the way I've always seen her. She's not a crybaby, though she cries. She's not a klutz, though she falls. She's not a glutton, though she eats. She is, quite simply, Tsukino Usagi, in all her perfect imperfection. I would have her no other way. 

I wish I could stay. I wish she could come with me. I wish I'd never heard of Harvard University. I wish time could stop and Usako and I could spend forever together with no worries of America or monsters or future children. 

_"And she talks of being grumpy,_  
_But grumpy's not her style._  
_And I soak up all her beauty,_  
_'Cause I'm only here a while."_

I'm in the bathroom by this time, staring at myself in the mirror as I wash my face and brush my teeth. I wonder if I'm crazy for going to the other side of the world and leaving Usako and, for that matter, the other senshi alone. What if she needs me? What if they need Tuxedo Kamen? 

Who am I kidding? They don't need me or my alter ego, not nearly as much as I need them and theirs. Usako, Sailormoon, Serenity... she is the completion of all of me: Mamoru, Tuxedo Kamen, Endymion. 

_"I muddle through my docket;_  
_And nestle in the pocket._  
_I just sit back and think about the world._  
_And the only thing I see when she's looking back at me_  
_Is the promise of how life could be."_

After much deliberation and consideration over Usako's abhorrence of reading, I've decided to write her a letter. She needs to know how I feel about her, and that this decision to go to America was not an easy one. I don't want to leave her, but I have to, and she needs to know why. 

It's so hard to know that you don't deserve the woman who loves you. I've hurt her so much, in so many ways, and yet she's never given up on me. Gods, if only I could come up with some way to make this parting easier. I don't want to hurt her, and yet I know I will, I know I already have! 

There's a part of me that wishes I hadn't been so stupid at the beginning, those days before I knew she was Sailormoon, those days when I used any excuse to run into her, but then spent the time taunting her and making her cry. And then, of course, there was the time I listened to the dreams of disaster from my future self. What had possessed King Endymion to do such a thing? And what had possessed me to _listen_ to him? 

_"And as I wrote my chest got tight for her;_  
_I know that I'm not right for her._  
_I couldn't live if I ever caused her pain,_  
_But at least I have a message that I can leave_  
_That tells her of this spin inside._  
_My gears turning,_  
_I'm still learning to trust myself,_  
_But at least I've told her of this difficult goodbye..."_

I check the clock, realizing that there are only a few minutes before I have to meet Usako at the airport. Grabbing my bags and the letter, I hurry to the door of my apartment only to stop in panic. Suddenly I can't breathe, and I begin to wonder if I'm going to faint. 

_Oh, Usako, Usako! How can I leave you? How can I be away from you for an entire year? How will I live without you?!_

When did things change? When did I become so dependent upon her? And, more than that, when did I stop _caring_ about being dependent upon her? I hope the letter will be enough. I hope she'll understand how I feel. I hope she knows that I'll be thinking about her every minute we're apart, and that I won't be able to take a breath without saying her name. 

_"Seven minutes before I'm leaving,_  
_And now my chest is heaving._  
_I just can't go like I did before,_  
_And tomorrow I'll be miles away and dreaming_  
_That she hears my voice floating through the floor."_

I'll call her every chance I get. I'll write her as often as possible. I'll fall asleep every night whispering her name over and over, counting Usakos rather than sheep. Every night, just before I slip under, I'll tell her that I love her. And every night she will hear me, and then she will _know_. 

_"And tomorrow I'll be miles away and dreaming_  
_That she hears my voice floating through the floor..._  
_Through the floor..._  
_That she hears my voice..._  
_Tomorrow I'll be miles away and dreaming_  
_That she hears my voice floating through the floor."_

End


End file.
